Plates...

I'm not sure what is going on with me in my kitchen, but this past year and the start of the new year, I have broken more of my dishes than I ever have in my entire life. It's been a frustration because I used those baking dishes a lot and the plates and bowls were some of my favorite. Whatever it is, maybe I'm just to let it go. I know I can't do anything about it but I get upset with myself because it keeps happening and it's driving me crazy. So I am just going to let go and start collecting mismatched plates and dishes when I can - I like that idea!

Naked...

 

 I've been observing winters naked trees and thinking about how they resemble being vulnerable. You can see clearly all that's inside. All the things that have been broken and all the things that hold your strength. There is no where to hide, your leaves have fallen off and your exposed. I want to find that comfortable, safe place within, to allow myself to be that vulnerable. To expose myself to the world by just being me. To know that is enough and when the spring arrives, I will sprout new growth

Silver Lining...

"Reflect on a time when your pain or perceived problem turned out to be the beginning of a whole new possibility for yourself, perhaps even a blessing in disguise."

My father decided when I was 15 after a horrible fight with my mother that he no longer wanted to participate in our ( my sister and I) lives. He left and went off to marry another lady who had two daughters just like he left behind. He came back once but my mother told him if he wasn't going to pay child support he should leave and he did. I did not see him again until I was married and a mother but that visit didn't go well. We parted ways never to speak again until his death. 

I distinctly remember the day I realized my father leaving was a silver lining in my life. I was driving down to Charlotte, I was about 30 years old then ( I'm 54 now) and the light bulb moment hit me. He was an active alcoholic and had he stayed, things could have been SO much worse. So many of those abandonment issues drifted away that day. I still am grateful today that it happened that way it did. And right before he died I was given one last chance to mend a broken connection. His family called me and he was not able to speak at this point, but they said he wanted to "talk to me." I of course talked, since he could not and I let him know it was all okay and that I loved him very much. He died after they hung up the phone. His unfinished business on this earth was done. 

My father not being in my life ( as crazy as it was without him) I'm not sure I could have handled the situation with him the way he was. I felt my spirit was spared a lot of things I will never know the full extent of. Today I only feel forgiveness and love for my father. He did the best he knew how with what he had. So what seemed like abandonment from my father now only feels like love.

A friend's perspective on her silver lining... http://gentlegull.blogspot.com/2014/08/seeing-silver-lining.html