Morning...

 

 The morning rises

The world is still and quiet

The little bird sings

Naked...

 

 I've been observing winters naked trees and thinking about how they resemble being vulnerable. You can see clearly all that's inside. All the things that have been broken and all the things that hold your strength. There is no where to hide, your leaves have fallen off and your exposed. I want to find that comfortable, safe place within, to allow myself to be that vulnerable. To expose myself to the world by just being me. To know that is enough and when the spring arrives, I will sprout new growth

Quiet Time....

 

 I'm back from spending time with family and when I'm there it's always a house full. Lot's of cooking, laughing and hanging out together, but when I come home I find my quiet time. I need quiet to recharge my soul and build up my energy for going out into the world again. But being with people you love gives you a bust that you can't get from being alone. Both are necessary...

Good...

http://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/

I like this "Good News Network" on facebook and I get emails and I know I've posted this site a few times before but in light of my heaviness this week I thought I would once again share what makes me smile. I love reading about the good news all around our world and it keeps me focused and centered in  "the good" in life.

Hiding...

I'm not sure why I find it easier to hate myself and keep thinking I'm such an awful person when I have done something wrong. It feels like somehow if you hang on to those negative feeling about yourself that is your punishment for what had happened - Never allow yourself to move on, learn from it and forgive yourself because then the other person will know how I am holding myself accountable. But I can still do that in a positive way... that is why I posted my original blog - not for sympathy but because I wanted to crawl under a rock and hide from the world, then no one would know or perceive me as a "bad"person. But a fall from grace does not condemn me or make me unworthy. Apologizing and finding the self love to show up for life will allow others to come out of hiding if they find themselves feeling this way. Hating myself doesn't serve anyone and I'm not pretending nothing happened, I'm only trying to pass through this place in my life as gently as possible and as much as I fully understand another's pain that I caused, there are not enough apologies to fix what I broke. So I did what I felt was needed and now I wait for healing.

Note Worthy...

http://www.gentlebarn.org

I came across this information at my local library. There was a book called "The Gentle Barn Story" and I looked up their website. I love passing on organizations, stories etc. that offer something good in the world. Even though this is far from me ( California) it's note worthy. So look them up and if nothing else honor another's offering of "good" put out into the world.

Quiet...

As I'm out and about in the world, I've notice a lot of people with headphones in their ears ( not just the young), whether in the grocery store or walking their dog. I'm the kind of person who likes quiet. I like the "sound of silence" it's such a beautiful noise. I do enjoy music or a book on tape but its not often that I listen to anything and especially when I'm out walking with nature or at the beach. The last thing I want, is what feels to me, like intrusive noise. Now I know people, like my daughter, who live and breath with music going, it speaks to her in ways that don't for me... to each their own!

Today...

Today I was fine until I saw a picture my niece posted of her being at the lake for the 4th of July. This overwhelming heavy sadness came over me. I missed a sense of family and extended family that use to be a group of friends that I don't get to see very much anymore. I felt such a great loss of connection and just felt kind of alone today even though I was surrounded by the world and my children ~ 

This Too Shall Pass...

Barefoot...

One of my favorite things I look forward to when I'm out in the world doing things where I have to wear shoes is ~ taking them off! My feet feel so free and able to connect again to the earth. I've been a barefoot girl since I was a young child and I still love that barefoot feeling. One of my goals is to buy some toe shoes http://www.vibramfivefingers.com/index.htm ( there are a lot of other sites I just picked one to show you) so my feet can be closer to mother earth even when wearing "shoes."

Fine LIne...

Being an introvert its a fine line to know when your taking time to recharge from the world or your isolating. What I've noticed since I don't get to hang out with my group of friends much anymore is that without that planned scheduled time we use to get, I find myself closing off and isolating. So it has been a struggle for me to stay connected even the littlest amount. I've just started working on sending a text out once a week to family or friends. And as silly as it seems, I find that hard to do. I put it off everyday and then I make myself send it. This also makes it a difficult challenge to expose myself in my business http://www.wholefood-living.com/, so I'm hoping that this small practice will be a start to getting myself out there, starting with staying connected to those I know are safe and love me.

Personal...

"Sometimes I shut down and don't talk to anyone for days. It's nothing personal."

Raine Cooper

I do this from time to time and I would hope that others don't take it personally. As an introvert it's a way of recharging. Being out in the world is very hard for me and it takes a lot of energy - sometimes more then others. And on those times when I'm so drained, I shut down and retreat.

Kids...

Kids are the BEST! 

At my demo today, there were so many kids going by either singing, laughing, kissing their younger brother, giving a high five to their parent - lost in a world with no rules. No matter what I'm feeling, watching a child's untainted mind play out in a world where there are so many unspoken rules, always brings me to a "happy place!"

Good News...

http://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/inspired/individuals/sc-town-builds-house-for-homeless-outcast.html

I've mentioned this website before but it's worth mentioning again. I woke this morning to see all this wonderful good news in my email. What a great way to start the day. Sometimes I get caught up in the worlds bad news or my own life drama that it's awesome to start my day with GOOD NEWS.

Softly...

Sometimes when I'm looking for answers or at least a "knowing" of what seems right at the moment, I have to retreat and withdraw from the world even when I'm in it. After having done that for a week, my answer come softly and it seemed more about letting go of my resistance to an idea of the way "I thought" something should be and letting things flow in a new direction. 

P.S.

p.s. there's hope

This is what I need right now. I feel like I'm having a crisis of the heart and feeling very lost. I remember years and years ago when people were dying in my life one after the other and I felt this same feeling... LOST. Almost numb to the world around me, unsure where I belong in my space or what any of it means. But... there's hope!

Dare...

"Resist the temptation to allow the past to shape or foreshadow the potential of the present. Dare to not know. Dare to show up."

" You have never been in this moment before. It's a wild arrogance to assume a static world. And when you enter this moment with excitement and love, you change the possibility of every possibility."

Tama Kieves

I am in a place in my life, in moments that I've never been before. I'm trying hard to not allow the past to shape my present moments. My dear friends are walking me through this unknown and helping me enter it with excitement and love. But it's up to me, to DARE to not know, to DARE to show up.

Remember...

"Can you remember who you were, before the world told you who you should be?"

Today ~ I'm trying... to remember !

Soft...

"Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place."

Kurk Vonnegut

I need to remember today that my past experience don't define my present moment. I can be "soft" in this world and know that I am okay, because I am loved and am capable of loving. The world is a beautiful place!

Focus...

http://www.kindspring.org

I love finding another positive resource to focus my attention on. There is so much good happening in the world. Just like seeing the glass half full or half empty ~ it's all what you focus on!

Dancing...

Every since I was little I've loved to dance. Over the years I would just dance in my room for hours. I haven't danced in a long time and right now I feel like forgetting the world and turning some music on and just dance!