Collaging...

I have collaged on and off for years and there has never been a time when I haven't loved it, but I never knew why, not that there really was a reason to know, other then it makes me happy. But recently, as I'm in the space of working on it more, it finally came to me. Being a visually learner, collaging has been my visual affirmations and it is my place that has no right and wrong. It is my space to just be!

Hiding...

I'm not sure why I find it easier to hate myself and keep thinking I'm such an awful person when I have done something wrong. It feels like somehow if you hang on to those negative feeling about yourself that is your punishment for what had happened - Never allow yourself to move on, learn from it and forgive yourself because then the other person will know how I am holding myself accountable. But I can still do that in a positive way... that is why I posted my original blog - not for sympathy but because I wanted to crawl under a rock and hide from the world, then no one would know or perceive me as a "bad"person. But a fall from grace does not condemn me or make me unworthy. Apologizing and finding the self love to show up for life will allow others to come out of hiding if they find themselves feeling this way. Hating myself doesn't serve anyone and I'm not pretending nothing happened, I'm only trying to pass through this place in my life as gently as possible and as much as I fully understand another's pain that I caused, there are not enough apologies to fix what I broke. So I did what I felt was needed and now I wait for healing.

Drummer...

"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away."

Henry David Thoreau

I am trying to change my internal dialogue about myself. I've felt like a "misfit" my whole life. I always felt my thinking was different then those surrounding me growing up and through most of my adult hood. And with that, I took on the message, "something is wrong with me", " I can't seem to see what they see. So my challenge is now to reprogram that voice in my head and figure out how to best serve myself and the universe, with the way I see each present moment. 

What's Right...

"Through you can see when you're wrong, you know you can't always see when you're right."

Billy Joel

It's so easy for me to see what I feel is wrong with myself, but what if I could see only what's right and beautiful about me? It's all what I focus on... So today in this present moment, is going to be all about,"what's RIGHT about me."