A smile...

It has been two years since I've written on my blog and it always feels good to be back, no matter how long I've been gone. Within those two years LOTS has pass through my life and heart. Today there is a smile on my face. A smile that knows "all is well. A smile that radiates a knowing that I will not forsake or abandon myself for any reason. A smile that holds love for the people in my life that mean so much. A smile for my creativity that flows and a smile... just because I'm me!

Decision...

"My decision-making skills closely resemble that of a squirrel when crossing the street."

I had to laugh when I read this because this is how I feel so often especially lately when trying to decide what baby blanket to make for my granddaughter. But I have this trouble with trying to decide on presents for people too, even if it's something I'm making. I've always frustrated myself with this issue. But at least I can laugh at myself and that's progress.

Jealous...

 

I found myself having a hard time feeling like I needed to let go of jealousy with a particular person in my life. Then I realized I didn't need to get rid of it, but dig deeper into what that feeling was trying to tell me. And it was FEAR... fear that I would never have what they seem to have right now. That I will always be left without - that special someone that would love me. A relationship to share my vulnerability, my laughter, my tears, my children, my hopes and dreams. Someone to chat with about life and love, that person to feel accepted and genuinely cared about. The jealousy has not left me yet, so I will give it a safe place to be for now without judgement or labels and love myself until...

Woke up...

The first thing my brain did when I woke up this morning was start comparing myself to others. This person was doing this, that person was achieving this, and my self critic started filling my mind with negative talk. I tried not to let it throw me off for the whole day. I allowed the voices to be there and while choosing to ignore them, I struggled on and off and worked on things I "had" to do but also on things that make me smile. So by the end of the day I was feeling better... and had stopped comparing.

Alive...

 

 " Always find time for the things that make you feel happy to be alive."

I would like to say "in the new year-I will..." but my thought is when your ready to do something why wait. My intention for the last week has been to allow myself to find time to do the things that make me feel happy and alive, no matter how small that is. I've spent a lifetime "wanting" to do so many creative projects but not allowing myself until all the "have to... should do" gets done. There is a saying that defines insanity as, "doing the same thing over and and expecting different results." And my mind wants to say "not so kind" things about myself, like how I got to be this age and haven't really done this, or don't even bother because you know things will happen and you won't keep doing it, and on and on my negative self talk goes. But from what I wrote in my last post I am trying to refrain from listening to that and just be kinder.

December...

 "We are all doing the very best we can, but doing isn't really what matters. It's the allowing of each day to move through us without getting caught up in the struggle."

As each day in December passes I find myself thinking about the new year and the intentions I hold to make each present moment a more conscious one, "When you are open to life, you create an energy force that says YES." I want to allow more and try to not get caught up in the struggle as much. I want to create more, and enjoy the process. I want to love and listen deeper to myself and all those in my life. I want to allow more energy to flow freely and hear the word " Yes" more often in my soul.

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Tired...

Today I found myself... just bone tired. Nothing particularly happened today, just an accumulation of my everyday life. So I did somethings I "had" to do and left somethings I didn't. I'm going to let myself  "off the hook" for the rest of the night and do whatever I feel like, or don't feel like. I'm just going to allow the feeling to pass without resistance or judgement.

Pictures...

I took this picture this morning

Many many years ago I got a two year degree in Graphic Arts and my goal was to finish my other two years in photography... but that never happened! I have found myself this past week ( and other times since I gave up the dream) wanting to take photos again. But I don't want at this time to invest in or use a camera, just play a little taking pictures with my phone. It felt good...

Explain...

"Learn to say "no" without explaining yourself."

This is something I constantly have to work on. I catch myself, most of the time, after the fact to not explain myself to anyone about anything. It's hard! But with awareness comes change. Each time it happens I have the opportunity to try again.

Extra...

"Embrace the glorious mess that you are."

Elizabeth Gilbert

Feeling a bit overwhelmed today and trying to - "Embrace the glorious mess that I am."

But I'm trying to allow the feeling to flow freely ~ and love myself just a little extra!

Be Kind...

Today I need to remember to be kind to myself. When I fall out of my routines even for a day or two, or sometimes weeks, it's better to "be kind" and start again. It doesn't do any good to be mad at myself for slipping, or allowing other things to be more important. The best thing I can do for myself and those around me is accept my humanness and begin again!

Stop...

Stop.

Breathe.

Cry if you must.

I need this sometime ~ to remind myself in the present moment to stop... breath... and cry if I must!

Cling...

"You can only lose what you cling to."

Buddha

A good reminder... When I cling to old thoughts, or beliefs about myself, I lose. I lose present moments that I can't get back believing things that no longer serve me!

Pass...

I had a hard day yesterday. I'm not sure why, but I felt like I just wanted to cry all day and crawl right out of my skin. I felt alone, and that everyone I know was sick and tired of me. All irrational thoughts I'm sure and today I'm hoping as I allow it to continue to flow through it will leave as easily as it come. And if it has something to teach me that I will be open to hearing what I need to know. But if it continues I will try to be kind to myself and know "this too shall pass."

Occasions...

I realized today after my birthday passed yesterday that years ago I needed occasions to be kind to myself. And this year on my birthday I had to work, but that was okay because I didn't need that special occasion to find a reason to do nice things for myself. I am learning in each passing moment to love and do sweet things for myself ~ just because!

Laugh...

"At what age is it appropriate to tell my dog he is adopted?

Sometimes I take myself to serious and need a laugh. I thought this joke was pretty funny! I have to remind myself to lighten up, even in the midst of my life.

My Body...

My body is telling me to slow down. I'm not feeling good and even though I have to work today, there are things I can do to take care of myself. I'm taking herbs, vitamins and teas to boost what my body is lacking. And I will rest as much as I can when I get home and on the days following when it's possible.  When my body speaks I'm learning to listen.

Roar...

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I will try again tomorrow."

Mary Anne Radmacher

This is so true for me, many a day. I don't need to feel hopeless, like I failed myself. I need to remember that I am still courageous and there is another present moment to try again!

Creating...

I LOVE days like today ~ no where to go and lots of time to play in the kitchen. I love making things, whether it's food, crafts, or presents. It just makes me feel good, it feels like I'm taking care of myself and those around me. I've always loved creating and today was one of those days. It was fun!!!

Rough...

The last couple of days have been rough, so tonight I'm just going to love myself, forgive myself, and be kind to myself. Night Night all...