Jealous...

 

I found myself having a hard time feeling like I needed to let go of jealousy with a particular person in my life. Then I realized I didn't need to get rid of it, but dig deeper into what that feeling was trying to tell me. And it was FEAR... fear that I would never have what they seem to have right now. That I will always be left without - that special someone that would love me. A relationship to share my vulnerability, my laughter, my tears, my children, my hopes and dreams. Someone to chat with about life and love, that person to feel accepted and genuinely cared about. The jealousy has not left me yet, so I will give it a safe place to be for now without judgement or labels and love myself until...

Precious Time...

Today I had such high hopes for... I don't know. Something other then feeling blah. Mentally I couldn't seem to get myself to a better place and as much as I've told myself it was okay, it's hard feeling like I've wasted precious time.  I've pushed myself to "do things" but all I really wanted to do was - NOTHING! I kept doing things hoping the funk would lift but it hasn't, so as the evening coming, I guess "the mood" will too. It's all going to be okay... right?

Hopes and Dreams...

I realized letting go of my house is the same as my marriage. It is more about letting go of the illusion of what I thought I had and wanted. Neither my marriage or my home had materialized to be what I had hoped and dreamed. So as I continue to shuffle and sort through all the stuff in my house, preparing to leave it behind, I mourn. I mourn for all that was and wasn't, and to start a new chapter in my life, filled with all my hopes and dreams!!!