To Dream...

"Keep some room in your heart for the unimaginable. " Mary Oliver 

Yesterday I realized I haven't been allowing myself to dream. I get stuck in my practical organizing everything, need to know ways and the open space for dreaming is full. And when the realization hits, I refer back to a poem that has always been relevant to my life called,

"Living The Questions"

"Be patient towards all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue, Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer."

Rainer Maria Rike"s July 16. 1003 letter to Franz Xaver Kappus is included as the fourth letter in "Letters to a Young Poet."

... so today I dream.

FLOW....

My word this year is... FLOW! Yes - flow with an exclamation mark! I have spent most of my life resisting what is and not allowing for fear of the unknown. But this past year working in an art journal has really helped me walk into the unknown a little more willing and a little less resistant. So that is why I picked the word flow. I want the unknown to flow freely in and out of my life. I want "all" to pass through my life with our judgment or labels and just let it be and - F....L....O....W.................................................

Alive...

 

 " Always find time for the things that make you feel happy to be alive."

I would like to say "in the new year-I will..." but my thought is when your ready to do something why wait. My intention for the last week has been to allow myself to find time to do the things that make me feel happy and alive, no matter how small that is. I've spent a lifetime "wanting" to do so many creative projects but not allowing myself until all the "have to... should do" gets done. There is a saying that defines insanity as, "doing the same thing over and and expecting different results." And my mind wants to say "not so kind" things about myself, like how I got to be this age and haven't really done this, or don't even bother because you know things will happen and you won't keep doing it, and on and on my negative self talk goes. But from what I wrote in my last post I am trying to refrain from listening to that and just be kinder.

Be Kind...

Today I need to remember to be kind to myself. When I fall out of my routines even for a day or two, or sometimes weeks, it's better to "be kind" and start again. It doesn't do any good to be mad at myself for slipping, or allowing other things to be more important. The best thing I can do for myself and those around me is accept my humanness and begin again!

Observer...

I'm trying to be more of an observer in my life instead of placing judgement on what I see. When walking through my day I see something or someone I am trying to be more aware of just thinking - is this something I want or not? It doesn't make it right or wrong or the person's choice right or wrong, it is just an observation for the choices I want to make in my life. I hope as I remind myself to be more present and just observe it will become more of an habit. It opens up more allowing - allowing good to flow when energy is not needed to pass judgement or stress over what others are doing or not doing. It can be fun to let life be less complicated and just "observe".

I learn something from every teacher in my life, even if it's learning how not to live. - Louise L. Hay

Wishes...

I just finished reading a young adult book called "The Wish Stealer" by Tracy Trivas. Below find a short review someone wrote about the book:

Do you believe in wishes?

Griffin Penshine does. She loves to wish on stars, and pennies, and anything else she can think of. She wishes for a baby sister and for her school to smell like chocolate chip cookies. Her life changes one day, when an old lady offers her a gift of twelve shiny pennies. Hoping the gift will bring her luck as she starts the school year at a new school, Griffin accepts the gift. As the day wears on, however, Griffin realizes with horror that each penny represents a stolen wish. She discovers that the old woman was a Wish Stealer. What’s worse, is that by accepting the old woman’s gift, Griffin herself, has turned into a Wish Stealer. Now Griffin’s good wishes will never come true, and the opposite of her good wishes seem to happen. To break the Wish Stealer’s curse, Griffin needs to return all twelve stolen wishes. She must return all twelve pennies to the people who wished on them, or the curse affects not only her, but her family as well.

This book left me wondering - Am I a Wish Stealer? Do I steal other peoples wishes when they tell me what that is? Do I steal my own by thinking I could never do that, or be sensible your to old, that's not practical. I have experience others stealing my wishes. I have a wish of being a writer and when I mentioned to many people, even someone that was a writing teacher of mine that I might go back to school for writing most everyone's response was "oh no don't do that" do something you can make a living at. I realize I too have sqashed others wishes because of my own fears that I projected on to them. Fears that were mine but let cloud my allowing of another to wish freely. Fears that I allow to hinder my own wishes. I will take all this as food for thought and next time I want to wish or another shares their wish with me, I can better respond with an open mind and heart and let that wish go free.

Allowing...

When giving up resistance and letting go, I am left in the state of allowing. Allowing only good thoughts to roam free in my head, allowing only positive thoughts about others to surface. Allowing, opens up space for all good things to flow when I step aside and stop thinking it's all about me. Then comes expectance. Expecting the miracles that only the universe can pull off. Expecting love and joy and peace on earth. Then acceptance, that I am all I need to be. I am whole and beautiful, as we all are. I don't need to impress or try harder. I just need to be me, and KNOW that is enough.

So here I am world... JUST ME

Holding on...

Holding on to what I know to be my truth, at this present moment is hard. I am allowing another words to cause me to find fault with myself and to doubt what I know to be true. I know the other person is lashing out and I am struggling to offer only love to myself as well as them. To not give the words any more value then what they deserve, which is nothing because I know they are only out of anothers pain. I love the song by the music group Train, called "Words", maybe I will try and live by them today and know this too shall pass...

Here is just a few of the lyrics from the song:

Words they'll try to shake you

Don't let them break you

Or stop your world from turning

When words keep you from feeling good

Use them as firewood and let them burn

Let them burn

Let them burn

Underneath every word somebody's heart been broken

Allowing.......

I open myself up today to the art of Allowing. To ask for more, to expect more, to receive more. To know it is okay to ask, expect and receive. To know it doesn't take away from anyone else. I don't need to suffer or pay dues in order to receive happiness, money, love, or peace. I only need to "KNOW", to trust, to surrender to what is and allow good things to flow. To find what makes me happy and be conscious in my present moments of my intent. Am I struggling or am I allowing? Am I seeing my cup half empty or half full? Am I offering love to myself and others or am I judging. Am I happy....... YES I AM!