Reconstructing A Life...

My life goes on... driving, cleaning, cooking, shopping, making phone calls, talking with friends, watering plants, getting dressed... but in the shadow, lingers grief and an unsettled unknowing of how to "reconstruct a new life." The people that surround me have not changed, mother nature provides her constant  beauty that is unwavering, and my children remain ever present and close. These are the things I hold onto as I stumble along, looking for refuge, while newness comes each day asking for my assistance.
I'm reminded that reconstruction comes with time... one step at a time. What was. is gone, you sift through the rubble and hold on to the good, while letting go of all that no longer serves you. You listen closer, now that the noise of the past is silent...and you begin!

FLOW....

My word this year is... FLOW! Yes - flow with an exclamation mark! I have spent most of my life resisting what is and not allowing for fear of the unknown. But this past year working in an art journal has really helped me walk into the unknown a little more willing and a little less resistant. So that is why I picked the word flow. I want the unknown to flow freely in and out of my life. I want "all" to pass through my life with our judgment or labels and just let it be and - F....L....O....W.................................................

If money were no object...

"If money were no object what would you do and what would you have done?"

Here is the link to my friends cooperative blogging post on this subject:

http://gentlegull.blogspot.com/2014/09/if-money-were-no-object.html

         I think money is a fascinating subject. Everyone reacts and values money so differently. For me money has never been a big motivator in my life. I didn't have much money growing up and don't remember feeling deprived but I know it has become more of a comfortable place then having money. And in having more money, I find myself intimidated by "more." I've always wanted to learn about investing etc. just to feel more knowledgeable and comfortable with having "more" money and knowing what are the best ways to allow it to flow more freely. A friend told me once that money was meant to be enjoyed and shared. I'm very good with the money I have and I'm working on reprograming my thoughts - "I will know what to do with extra as it comes flowing in."

        If money were no object... I would pay off my house to secure it for my children. I would purchase a "tiny house" that had enough room for company and/or my children. I would allow money to give me "time" to slow down and stop "doing" for awhile.

       What would I have done? I would have saved more and not given it to another, who just squandered it away. But as all things in the past, I can't change it, so I forgive myself for what I felt I could have done and move on. Money "they" say is just energy... allowing it to flow in and out!

Blast...

A blast from the past. Someone from my high school days contacted me on face book. Have to say I didn't remember who they were at first and had to go get my yearbook out (lots have happened in 30 + years for me), but it was fun to walk down "what memory" I have lane. Goes to show you you never know what will happen in life. 

Dare...

"Resist the temptation to allow the past to shape or foreshadow the potential of the present. Dare to not know. Dare to show up."

" You have never been in this moment before. It's a wild arrogance to assume a static world. And when you enter this moment with excitement and love, you change the possibility of every possibility."

Tama Kieves

I am in a place in my life, in moments that I've never been before. I'm trying hard to not allow the past to shape my present moments. My dear friends are walking me through this unknown and helping me enter it with excitement and love. But it's up to me, to DARE to not know, to DARE to show up.

Realize...

"Realize deeply that the present moment is all you ever have."

Eckhart Tolle

With the hurry of everyday life, I forget to "realize deeply" that this present moment I am in, is all I ever have. When I'm lost in the unknown of my future, or dwell in the past, I lose present moments that cannot be refunded! So let me enjoy NOW...

NOW...

"The reason people find it so hard  to be happy is that they always see...

The past better than it was,

The present worse than it is,

And the future less resolved than it will be."

Marcel Pagnol

This quote brings me back to the present moment ~ that is really all there is ~ right now. I find my mind dwelling on the past or the unknown of the future and all that does is take away from my NOW!

Side of the road...

When I pulled up to a stop light today, there was a man standing there with a sign that he was homeless and needed money. My thought has always been to give him some without judgement. Does it really matter what he choose to use it for. But as I gave him the money I thought later - he is someone's son, maybe someone's father, he's a man with a story, a past and hopefully a future. I left him with loving thoughts to make the choices that are right for his life.

Live...

" The past is gone, and we cannot get it back.

We can only live in the present moment"

Van Praagh

This is where my focus is today ~ the present moment! I am baking, cooking, cleaning, planning, sharing, and " all is well."

The Past...

There are times when the past arrives on your door step and leaves you a little shaken. It didn't come as a surprise but letting it go is hard. I am going to gather some information to hopefully put my mind at rest. But for now I can only stop myself from letting it ruin my day(s) and wish the other person well.