A smile...

It has been two years since I've written on my blog and it always feels good to be back, no matter how long I've been gone. Within those two years LOTS has pass through my life and heart. Today there is a smile on my face. A smile that knows "all is well. A smile that radiates a knowing that I will not forsake or abandon myself for any reason. A smile that holds love for the people in my life that mean so much. A smile for my creativity that flows and a smile... just because I'm me!

Reconstructing A Life...

My life goes on... driving, cleaning, cooking, shopping, making phone calls, talking with friends, watering plants, getting dressed... but in the shadow, lingers grief and an unsettled unknowing of how to "reconstruct a new life." The people that surround me have not changed, mother nature provides her constant  beauty that is unwavering, and my children remain ever present and close. These are the things I hold onto as I stumble along, looking for refuge, while newness comes each day asking for my assistance.
I'm reminded that reconstruction comes with time... one step at a time. What was. is gone, you sift through the rubble and hold on to the good, while letting go of all that no longer serves you. You listen closer, now that the noise of the past is silent...and you begin!

Movie...

 

Tonight I rested and did what my body needed. I eat dinner, put my pajamas on, got ready for bed and watched a movie. I watched "If I Stay" and I really like the way it was done. It could have been a really really sad movie but the focus was on the love and the people that made up their life, not the death. It wasn't overly dramatic or sappy, just a really well-done movie... I enjoyed the rest and entertainment!

Amazed...

http://www.groveparkinn.com/gingerbread

Years ago I use to bake gingerbread and in all the years I baked, I never got up to the Grove Park Inn to see the Gingerbread competition. But I have since gone with a group of friends and it's a little different each year. And one thing that doesn't change, is the creativity that people of all ages use to decorate the gingerbread creations. It never fails to amaze me, the ideas that people come up with and I just love watching creative flourish and thrive year after year.

Quiet Time....

 

 I'm back from spending time with family and when I'm there it's always a house full. Lot's of cooking, laughing and hanging out together, but when I come home I find my quiet time. I need quiet to recharge my soul and build up my energy for going out into the world again. But being with people you love gives you a bust that you can't get from being alone. Both are necessary...

Need...

"People don't always need advice. Sometimes all they need is a hand to hold, an ear to listen, and a heart to understand them."

Sometimes I shy away from talking with people about "whatever" I'm feeling because I find that there is advice to be heard or a judgement being made, when all I "need" ( most of the time) is a hand to hold, an ear to listen and a heart to understand. It's also a good reminder for me too. All most people want is "love."

License Plates...

As I was headed down the road yesterday, I started noticing license plates. It reminded me of a time in my childhood when my sister and I would read license plates on our travels to go spend the summer with my dad's family in Florida. Then it made me smile thinking that each person or group of people must be going to visit someone or headed to a new or old familiar place to vacation, but wherever their going it's probable ( you hope) a place to connect with each other, and a place that will offer joy and lasting memories.

Understand...

"Before we can truly understand anther person, we must walk a mile in their moccasins. Before we can walk in another persons moccasins, we must first take off our own."

Native American saying...

There are so many situations people are in that I have never experienced and each person has their own reaction to those experiences that may not have been mine. But this quote helps me remember I don't walk in their life, and it's not up to me to judge only to find and offer compassion as a human being that walks upon this planet as I do. 

Seeds...

I came across this plant today growing in a field and it got me to thinking. A bird probable dropped a seed and an unusual plant grew in an unusual place. So I thought when we as people plant seeds of hope, love, kindness, generosity, or peace out in our world... you never know what or where something may grow from that seed.

Opening...

I'm learning through a number of people lately how important it is to share and be vulnerable with those I walk this planet with. It's hard to open up and exposed my inter being, but you never know who you might touch with your words. We are all connected in this life and even though our paths are different they are still all the same. And when others share a part of themselves, they unknowingly give me the courage to do the same. 

Happy...

Being out in nature, even if it's just my back yard makes me happy. I don't know if other people feel the connection with nature too, but there is something about just stepping outside, walking among the trees, hearing nature sing, that changes my whole outlook. It puts me in a happy place that no other thing can do.

Writing...

There is a free writing group starting tomorrow at my local library and I'm excited. I tell people I'm a writer who never writes. Even though that isn't completely true ( I do write two blogs) but it feels like it because I'm not writing all that I'd like. And these last few years have been the longest I've not been in a writing group, which I miss. It will be nice to be back in touch with those that like to write.

Lesson...

"People may not tell you how they feel about you but they always show you. Pay attention."

One lesson I've learned in life that I share with my children is " When someone shows you who they are, believe them." When I use to take writing classes, one phrase that was always said about writing fiction was, "show don't tell." 

P.S.

p.s. there's hope

This is what I need right now. I feel like I'm having a crisis of the heart and feeling very lost. I remember years and years ago when people were dying in my life one after the other and I felt this same feeling... LOST. Almost numb to the world around me, unsure where I belong in my space or what any of it means. But... there's hope!

Scary...

"Letting go is scary. It's a free fall, an act of surrender."

"We're not use to letting go. We're used to hanging on for dear life. We hang on for lots of reasons."

"We're simply afraid of the free fall, afraid of coming alive as ourselves."

"Letting go frees up your energy and your attention. In the open field of surrender lie the seeds of new possibilities."

Daphne Rose Kingma

In my process of letting go of my house, these are all good things I need to keep remembering. And letting go is not something that I only do once, it is part of life! When I'm done with this process there will be another and another. Each bringing me to a deeper sense of wonder and possibilities for my life. But as I stand in the midst of the emotions, I have a hard time seeing all that can and will be. But I am grateful to be surrounded by people that can see what I can not and one day I will look back and gaze upon the vision they knew was possible.

Listen...

"Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply."

I have been guilty of not deeply listening and replying without deeply understanding. I have made progress over the years but it's still a skill that I want to continue to work on. I feel we all want to be heard and not necessarily with a reply. To really listen, to really hear is such a gift I can give to someone in any present moment I am in.

Apology...

"Life becomes easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got."

As I continued to chip away at my self forgiveness, this quote reminded me of some people that have walked in and out of my life over the years. It seems to connect to forgiveness, for life is easier when you accept what is and move on regardless of what you think another person should have done or said. With self forgiveness, I am able to do just that... Pick up and move on with love in my heart ~

Credit Card...

I'm so grateful for my credit card. I feel funny even saying that because so many people in this country are in credit card debit. I was one of those, many moons ago in a relationship that was anything but healthy and money was abused and misused. I've always loved money and I cherish the ability to have  it in my life and I take good care using it. So when I got my own credit card after the relationship was over, it has come in handy for so many things. I always pay it off and I don't use it for things I know I'm not going to be able to pay off the next month. But I like it's presence in my life to use in an emergency whether it's a minor one or major ~ I'm thankful!

Continue...

"What you allow is what will continue."

With each passing present moment I hope I can be open to allow more and more "good" and "beautiful" people and things into my life. Because what I "allow" WILL continue...

Resist...

I'm trying to quiet my mind today because it feels like it's going in a thousand different directions. I have so many things I'm trying to keep track of, big decisions to make, and "to do's" to accomplish. All I really want to do today is forget them all and just go away where there is no pressure other people to consider and just relax. But since that is not possible at this present moment, I will go with the flow and not resist... because what I resist ~ persists!