What i need from You...

Today was a dark day of not being able to see the forest for the trees. Of hope lost and answers to questions that rang hollow in my soul. I need you to hold the space for me. To hold hope, encouragement, kindness and love to see me through when I am lost. I know this too shall pass, but when your sitting in the dark looking for light, and you see non - it gets scary. Your what I hold onto when I forge ahead blindly, that kind word, that small gesture, these are the moments of brightness I use until my strength returns but until then... this is what I need from you.

Thank You

Questioning...

A friend today wrote a post about friendships, and after reading it, it my heart felt sad. Sad that my life is not what I had hoped it would be and I try hard everyday to not question the road I'm on,because I don't have the answers and if I dwell to long there I get too depressed. I LOVE my group of friends, they are the closest I've ever had in my life, and right now because of circumstances I have been distance from all of them... I SO miss our gatherings full of laughter and conversation. Our children mingling together, food brought and shared by all.  Even if I was talking, I enjoyed being in their presence. Life is about living the questions but sometimes it's hard not to want to know... And sometimes it's about seeing it all in a different way ~ but I'm not quite there yet.

Softly...

Sometimes when I'm looking for answers or at least a "knowing" of what seems right at the moment, I have to retreat and withdraw from the world even when I'm in it. After having done that for a week, my answer come softly and it seemed more about letting go of my resistance to an idea of the way "I thought" something should be and letting things flow in a new direction. 

F.E.A.R.

F.E.A.R. ~ False Evidence Appearing Real

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/suza-scalora/miracles_b_1544393.html

An excerpt from the article:

"We've all experienced the strength of negative thoughts. If we are not aware in the present moment they can quickly sneak up on us and drag us down the rabbit hole of disconnection, despair and depression.

Near the end of Lama Tenzin's visit he was asked if he believed global peace would one day become a reality. After a long pause he said, "The enemy is within."

He then pointed out: Love exists within each of us, as does the enemy.

How often do we believe the enemy is someone or something outside ourselves?

So... if the enemy is within, then what exactly is this villainous darkness lurking inside all of us? Fear. False Evidence Appearing Real.

Fear is the consummate shape-shifter, disguising itself in many forms: anxiety, stress, worry, overwhelm, blame, judgment, gossip, anger, hate, resentment, and criticism."

Today I will hold tight to remember FEAR is False Evidence Appearing Real as my children search for answers to a situation that affects them deeply, and right now I have NO clear answer to offer. 

I MUST...

Today I MUST believe that "all is well". I MUST believe that there will be answers to the big mystery that is in my life right now. I MUST believe today that there is a rainbow behind this dark cloud hanging over head. I MUST believe that I am courageous enough to offer my children the path to the other side. I MUST believe that I am strong enough to withstand this storm of unknown.

I MUST BELIEVE!

Pause...

"Now and then it's good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy"

When I can pause long enough and look around, breath in the joy, there lays my answers ... in the pause!

Fear... and answers

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎"The presence of fear is a sure sign you're trusting in your own strength."

A COURSE IN MIRACLES

This week I had plumbing issues at my house. At first I was mad at myself because I knew better then to put food down the garbage disposal because it has clogged up before. But I did it anyway and wa-la..... CLOGGED drain. Fear came and went. I thought I can do this, I can manage this problem, it's happened before. Then as nothing was working fear come back, oh no what am I going to do know. Is it a problem bad enough to call the plumber, do I know anyone who would know anything about plumbing and do I have the nerve to ask them, what should I do. Then the fear would subside and I would try again... nothing. I decided to go to bed visualize and let go and as I did, the universe provided an answer. A friend of a friend offered to come help. AWESOME!!! I was thrilled and went to the sink once more to give it one last plunge and that did the trick. But I now know that my "presence of fear was a sure sign I was trusting on my own strength" to figure it out. That is a big lesson I am learning on this journey of life, I don't have to "do it all myself", and that is feeling really good right now.