Like an old friend...

I've had this blog for about 7 years, and it feels like an old friend. I've used it to muse my thoughts, to cheer myself on, and to share as a cooperative blog. My life is "floating" between seasons right now ( this is the reference where " floating between seasons comes from -  http://robbell.podbean.com/e/episode-115-seasons/   and I felt the calling to write again. So welcome old friend, I am ready to catch up and share.

A Bucket List...

 "Do you have a bucket list and if so name one thing on it, if not why."

One of the first things I've had on my bucket list since as long as I can remember was to see the Redwood trees. That is a dream of mine and something I get so excited thinking about. I don't have a lot of other burning desires right now in my life that I can think of. I would like to see the Grand Canyon. But as my life continues on I might add to the list or I might not. Sometimes I think I am as content with what and whom I'm surrounded by that I don't long for more, except for the Redwoods!

The View...

The view... what a great way to start and end a day! Thank you, friend, for the view!

Sitting...

 

Today was about sitting with a friend who needed comfort. She is grieving and just wanted some familiar company to help her mind think of something besides the powerless situation she is in. We spent hours with small talk, and quiet space, after thirty plus years of knowing each other that is enough. I brought her something to nourish her body and left having nourished her spirit... all in all a good day!

Learning...

This is the beginning of the cooperative art journal I mentioned in an earlier post this month and I'm learning through my art that it is a lot about the unknown. The cover of the journal is not at all as I had invisioned when I had the idea of what I wanted the cover to be. But much like life, there is no "do over" and I can only make beautiful from what I already have. I don't know what the end result will be for my journal anymore then I know the end results for my life. But I can learn to trust the process and "know" no matter what it will be just what it is suppose to be. And yes... it may not be perfect but neither am I, but it is a special process because it is shared with a good friend and what couldn't be beautiful about that.

Blank...

 

Living far away from those you enjoy spending time with can sometimes be a challenge to stay connected. One of my dear friends is always coming up with really neat ideas to continue to reconnect with each other. The last thing we did since we both are bloggers, is to participate in a cooperative blog. We each came up with a set of topics, then we decided how often we wanted to blog together, then she put it on the calendar as reminders. That was fun because it gave me things to think about that I might other wise not. And I enjoyed sharing her perspective on the subjects too. Now her newest idea is to do a cooperative art journal ( we have done our own as well and she even hand made this one for me) and exchange them periodically either in person if we are so lucky to get together or by mail.Then we would add something to the others journal and exchange again until it is full. But I found myself, as it always has been, intimidated by the blank page and the ideas of what I want to do with it. But with this awareness I am trying to let that go and just "flow" with the process. So I find myself a tiny bit excited to watch it all unfold.

Impacted...

"One person that has impacted my life greatly and how."

When I've had this question asked before part of me wishes I had that "one" awesome person who had such an impact on my life, but as I come upon this question again, I found myself thinking, "who is it, there has got to be someone. I would sound better if I had this one special someone, and I would have this feeling of feeling SO grateful and wiser for having known them." But I can't! Each person that has ever touched my life for however brief or long has impacted me in some way. And when I'm looking at life through a lens of gratitude, I am thankful for each and everyone, for they have all left their imprint and impact on my life.

This is a cooperative blog post a friend and I are participating in together - here is her post...

http://gentlegull.blogspot.com/

Out Loud...

A friend and I were chatting the other day by way of facebook and mentioned how saying something out loud helps the healing. And there is, something about saying "it" out loud that helps! So tonight I thought I would say something out loud because I keep trying to tell myself I need to get over it, but it clearly is not happening. See... I have/had a niece that is only five years younger then my oldest son and five years older then my middle son, and I was very close with her since she was little, but just in the past six months, she and her mother quit talking to me. I've reached out to them and have received NO response! My feelings are hurt and as much as I know it's more about them then me, I find myself filled with lost and sadness, that for whatever reason they no longer choose to communicate. So having said it out loud, maybe my heart will start to find some peace with questions that I may never have answers too and with what feels like such a great loss.

"I miss you ~ my dearest Kristin"

my heart will always hold that place where you fit

What's On My Nightstand...

On my nightstand are a lot of books that I don't necessarily read but they bring me comfort just knowing they are there. I have my battery clock that has served me well. I don't like the digital ones. There is some homemade lotion I'm almost out of and another bottle to use when it is finally all gone     ( someone I know made the lotion and a friend gave it to me). Down in the cloth basket are recipe books and books I am currently looking at. And the two little baskets hold "stuff" like my TV remote, a glasses case etc. I have some herb magazines I'm hoping to get too soon and a couple of pictures that just make me smile. On the far left there is a teddy bear my oldest son gave me one Christmas and it was just so cute I keep him close by to remind me of "love."

This is a cooperative blog post I am doing bi-weekly with a friend. Here is her post... Enjoy!

http://gentlegull.blogspot.com/2014/09/whats-on-my-nightstand.html

Normal...

An unexpected visit from a friend I haven't seen in a while... made me feel normal again! Sometimes I don't realize how "un-normal" I had been feeling, until that feeling returns. It was so nice to have that familiar connection again. It felt like a boost to my system, that was in much need of nourishment.

Questioning...

A friend today wrote a post about friendships, and after reading it, it my heart felt sad. Sad that my life is not what I had hoped it would be and I try hard everyday to not question the road I'm on,because I don't have the answers and if I dwell to long there I get too depressed. I LOVE my group of friends, they are the closest I've ever had in my life, and right now because of circumstances I have been distance from all of them... I SO miss our gatherings full of laughter and conversation. Our children mingling together, food brought and shared by all.  Even if I was talking, I enjoyed being in their presence. Life is about living the questions but sometimes it's hard not to want to know... And sometimes it's about seeing it all in a different way ~ but I'm not quite there yet.

Egg...

Sometimes it's the simple things in life... like waking this morning knowing I have a beautiful egg I can have for breakfast. The egg comes from a friend I hold dear and she cares about her chickens and their health. The egg not only nutritious my body but my soul today. I know exactly where it comes from and it provides good energy. Yes... it is only a simple egg, but offers so much!

Answer...

"I am the answer someone has been looking for."

As I was going through "stuff" today, trying to decide what to keep and what to get rid of, I came across this quote a friend shared with me one time. I'm not sure if it is her original quote or not, but it was just what I needed. I have found myself stuck in a message I don't even know I'm listening to, until something triggers it, like teaching a class about all the things I'm passionate about, and that old tape says, " nobody wants to hear what you have to say." With awareness comes change, and even though I've been aware of this tape before I'm hoping to now replace it with, " I am the answer someone has been looking for!"

Genuine...

" A friend who understands your tears is much more valuable than a lot of friends who only know your smile."

My life is rich when it comes to my friends. I have acquired an awesome group that continue to keep me surrounded in the good times and bad. They cheer me on and hold me up. Though them I know what a genuine friend is and the value that plays in my life ~ it's a priceless gift, and I am SO GRATEFUL today and everyday.

Hold on...

There are times as a mother I've told my children "everything will be okay", "your going to do great", "you can do this" and I truly believed that for them. There are times in life, I have to believe that someone else believes for me, when I can't. So today my dear friend told me "everything will be okay" and I am holding on to her belief, when in my darkness I cannot see that clearly.

Miraculously...

"Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it. Make it your friend and ally, not your enemy. This will miraculously transform your whole life."

Eckhart Tolle

This is what I work on daily. I struggle with accepting the present moment and not working against it. So many times I think whatever decision I make or don't make, makes or breaks each present moment. I'm trying to make it my friend and not the enemy. And believe there are larger forces beyond me that can transform my life if I'm open to allowing.

Art...

http://journal52.com/

A friend sparked my interest in doing some journaling again. Since I was a teen I've done writing journals but not much in the way of an "art journal." So as I was searching around the other day and I came across a lady who is offering the idea to do a journal page a week for the entire year. I like that idea better then a prompt once a day. It gives me time to think because I don't like the pressure of doing it in that one day. Now there is something to be said for only having one day to not think to hard and do something in that present moment, but for now I decided to go with a slower pace because it felt more enjoyable to me right now.

Focus...

"Focus on what matters"

I was mentioning to a friend that it is hard to find focus when so many things are calling for my attention. But it's nice to have her nudge me alone for something that means so much to me. But all the while not loosing site of the importance of self focus and nurturing the self love needed to provide the strength to keep following the path, even when the roads signs are confusing as to which direction to go.

Connected...

"I am learning to trust the journey even when I do not understand it."

Mila Bron

With each present moment that passes, with each encouraging word and help from a friend, with each piece of the process that falls into place, helps me "trust" in this journey that I don't understand where it's headed. And I think for the first time in my life I finally "know" that I am not going through this alone. I feel surrounded in love and that alone helps me to trust. We are not meant to walk this life by ourselves ~ we are all connected to the journey...

 Thanks for walking beside me as I continue to trust!

Grieving...

"Grief Attacks"

When grieving we can be going along and everything seems to be okay. then out of nowhere grief hits full force. These are not set backs, they are a part of the grieving experience.

Grief... an old friend returns. I'd been wondering what was going on with me the last few weeks. I'd be okay one moment and then feeling sad and crying the next.  It's a process of letting go, of leaving behind, of complete unknown. I've know "grief" before and it has come back to visit once again. Now that I know, I can continue to be kinder to myself, to help my children walk through this seemingly dark and scary time with grace and peace. Welcome old friend... we shall walk this path together until we no longer need each other.