Years...

 

I have this habit of holding on to the last little bit of somethings, afraid I won't have anymore. I'm not sure if it was from my growing up years of not having much in material things and then in a marriage where money went down the drain like water. But this hand soap in the picture a friend gave me at least five years ago and the little bag of herbs for putting in your bath a friend gave me about that long ago. So my goal this past year was to actually use and enjoy them and know when they were gone that other good things will come into my life. I'm proud to say the soap is almost empty and I have one bag left to use in my bath water. It feels okay, like I will have enough of what I need and want in my life without having to hold on, thinking that somehow if I don't use that last little bit I'll always have it. I do that with other things in my life too and have worked to release in order to expect more good things.

Security...

"It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power."

Alan Cohen

A friend posted this quote for me today... I love quotes! I know in each line there is truth, but when I'm in the midst of the false security it feels real. I love the part of the line, " for in movement there is life," it reminds me of a river and how it flows so effortlessly, flowing through each day, each season, over each obstacle. Clinging to what I know is something I can see, moving towards the unknown are all the things I can't see and for me it's a process of learning to find that adventure and excitement  even in the dark, for "in change there is power."

Renewed...

Letting go is a process. It comes in stages of grief, anger and acceptance. Somedays I'm in all those places. My tears release and wash the feeling clean and I am renewed to continue on this journey. As the next present moment presents itself, I allow it to flow through me without judgement. I am strong and brave...

My Biggest Fear...

IS... that I will never be loved by a wonderful man.

(I find myself feeling silly and embarrassed to say it, but I need to put it out in the Universe. To release and allow the feeling to be set free.)

It's not a rational thought but it is a very deep rooted fear that I've never expressed to anyone. I'm shining the light on it so it can flourish and be nourished to grow into something beautiful. To let go of the fear that has no place in my life anymore and to start replacing it with what I really know to be true... I am lovable and I am loved. I deserve to be loved by a wonderful man who is generous, honest and kind. That it is safe to be vulnerable and have all the happiness and joy that is available to everyone. This I know for sure...

So I will lay this fear to rest and mourn no more for what I fear will never be. With this release I open myself up to ALLOW and I am grateful.