No children?!

This week when my son Matt came over to visit we got to talking about having children. Neither of my son's wants children. It is hard for me to imagine feeling that way because that is all I EVER wanted. The first job I ever had was working at a day care. I can respect their feelings and am glad they feel it's okay to not have children but it triggered a deep sense of guilt for the less then normal lives I gave them (afraid this may have contributed to why they feel such a deep opinion on that subject-concluded from memories Matt shared about his growing up experience). Growing up in the shadow of someones addiction is never easy and for my part in allowing it to happen is hard to swallow. I know I can't go back and change their experiences and looking back only leaves you feeling guilt and shame which servers no purpose unless you can do things differently. I am working on forgiving myself and staying in the present moment because that is where the beauty lies. I have three awesome, beautiful children whom I get to spend each and every day with. Whom I can share laughter, make good memories, try new things, enjoy family and friends, share great food, visit new place and live, laugh and love in the present moment together, for that's all we really have and all that really matters- is NOW.