An Afternoon at the park... in pictures

Emerge...

The other day I was comparing myself to all people who knew what they wanted from when they were young. All their creative ideas had been nurtured and tended to for so long, and I found myself asking why - why couldn't I have known and flourished when I was in my youth. But then it came to me later that day... I did what my heart wanted when I was young - and that was to be a mother. That was my creative path. Was it done perfectly or did it turn out as I had hoped - NO. But no dreams are obtained without some failure and trial and error. There are creative ideas that started out one way and completely ended up nothing like you thought it would be. I am now in a new place where my mothering is not in the for front of my life and new creative energy is trying to emerge.

My Soul Craves...

http://www.oprah.com/own-super-soul-sunday/Full-Episode-Madonna-Badger-Video

I hadn't watched Oprah's Super Soul Sunday in a long time. The channel had been taking off my cable choices but yesterday I decided to sit down and try to watch it on my phone. It was a heavy subject for me having experienced so many deaths in my former families lives, but I got a message that I was suppose to hear...

"Let somebody love you"

I realized after hearing that, how much I don't allow that to happen, and instead, offer in return, a resistance to its existence. THIS is what "my soul craves." Madonna Badger said in this episode of Super Soul Sunday that when she called someone up to share her grief one day, the other person on the phone told her to, "find someone to love you" and by "letting someone love you" she found healing.

I want to let this sink deeply within my soul and give it room to grow. And the next time someone offers kind words, gives me a gift, or when I reach out to share my grief, I will try to remember to feed my soul what it craves, by...

"Letting somebody love me!"


This is a cooperative blog a friend and I are writing, exploring different topics. This is her blog..
http://gentlegull.blogspot.com/2014/10/my-soul-craves.html

Alone...

Somedays, some weeks I just wish I had my "mommy" or " daddy" - that soft, safe place to fall when life has chewed you up and spite you out.  I have never had that and as much as I take care of myself and "be kind" it doesn't replace what the heart ache for - what every child should have available. I know I'm not alone in that feeling and it's not a unique feeling, but right at this present moment it feels like I am ALONE.

My Week in Pictures...

Leaves floating in the water

Looks like writing on a cave wall

 See the ladybug hiding?

 A tiny hiding place

 A view

Daddy long legs hanging out

Moth visiting on my front door

Good...

http://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/

I like this "Good News Network" on facebook and I get emails and I know I've posted this site a few times before but in light of my heaviness this week I thought I would once again share what makes me smile. I love reading about the good news all around our world and it keeps me focused and centered in  "the good" in life.

Hiding...

I'm not sure why I find it easier to hate myself and keep thinking I'm such an awful person when I have done something wrong. It feels like somehow if you hang on to those negative feeling about yourself that is your punishment for what had happened - Never allow yourself to move on, learn from it and forgive yourself because then the other person will know how I am holding myself accountable. But I can still do that in a positive way... that is why I posted my original blog - not for sympathy but because I wanted to crawl under a rock and hide from the world, then no one would know or perceive me as a "bad"person. But a fall from grace does not condemn me or make me unworthy. Apologizing and finding the self love to show up for life will allow others to come out of hiding if they find themselves feeling this way. Hating myself doesn't serve anyone and I'm not pretending nothing happened, I'm only trying to pass through this place in my life as gently as possible and as much as I fully understand another's pain that I caused, there are not enough apologies to fix what I broke. So I did what I felt was needed and now I wait for healing.

Glaring...

Today I am humbled by my humanness. A situation in my life today gave me a glaring view of my humanness and it was very bright. And sometimes an apology is the only thing one has to offer the other. I tend to beat myself up over and over again for not being perfect and having caused someone, even if unintentionally harm. I will work on being kind to myself today and once again, pick up forgiveness for myself, and reach for my acceptance, that mistakes are part of the human experience. It hurts my heart today and I know I can not go back and change anything, so today is a somber day of reflection and another chance to accept "all" parts of me, not just the pretty ones.

Pleasant...

The last couple of days I've seen butterflies fluttering by. Seems weird in mid-October to see them but it brought a smile to my face and it was a pleasant surprise! Thanks for sharing your beauty with me.

End of my Week in Pictures...

Cute little shoes left my a sweet child to busy living life to remember they left their shoes!

A weed has beauty

A single rose petal fluttered to the ground

Mini tree growing where it was planted

Pretty fern like plants randomly growing beneath my feet

A polka dotted leaf

Beauty left behind after the rose petals fall off

One day collection of leaves

I loved this metal shaped tree that someone had mounted on the side of their house

My butterfly still blooming in mid-October

Deeply...

This was a leaf I found and it was leathery feeling and full of awesome texture!

A single leaf fell

Breath in deeply the fall air

Change is coming soon

Embers...

Something about this cool fall weather, I just want to sit in front of a fire and stare at the embers. I don't know what it is about embers that are so mesmerizing. I could just sit there for hours looking into the fire. And it's always more fun to hang our with family or friends around the fire ~ talking, sharing laughter, eating a meal and just enjoying the company of each other!

Impacted...

"One person that has impacted my life greatly and how."

When I've had this question asked before part of me wishes I had that "one" awesome person who had such an impact on my life, but as I come upon this question again, I found myself thinking, "who is it, there has got to be someone. I would sound better if I had this one special someone, and I would have this feeling of feeling SO grateful and wiser for having known them." But I can't! Each person that has ever touched my life for however brief or long has impacted me in some way. And when I'm looking at life through a lens of gratitude, I am thankful for each and everyone, for they have all left their imprint and impact on my life.

This is a cooperative blog post a friend and I are participating in together - here is her post...

http://gentlegull.blogspot.com/

Note Worthy...

http://www.gentlebarn.org

I came across this information at my local library. There was a book called "The Gentle Barn Story" and I looked up their website. I love passing on organizations, stories etc. that offer something good in the world. Even though this is far from me ( California) it's note worthy. So look them up and if nothing else honor another's offering of "good" put out into the world.

Phones...

Today I am grateful for cell phones. I am not a real tech savvy person and most of the things the phones do I have NO idea how to use them or am really not interested in them. But I have found texting to be a wonderful way to keep in touch from across the miles. It seems most of the people in my life that I hold dear, are scattered about and just being able to text and say "hi" or chat a little, right now in my life seems priceless. I tend to isolate myself and without the quick easy way to keep people close in my life I would be very alone and lost. I am grateful!!!

My Week in Pictures...

  

Mama frog on the leaf

a few acorns scattered on the ground

a baby tree frog sitting on my plastic flamingo

little puffy things

fungus among-us

a beautiful butterfly

stopped to smell the roses

      daddy tree frog - just chillin'

 

random flower in my backyard

Out Loud...

A friend and I were chatting the other day by way of facebook and mentioned how saying something out loud helps the healing. And there is, something about saying "it" out loud that helps! So tonight I thought I would say something out loud because I keep trying to tell myself I need to get over it, but it clearly is not happening. See... I have/had a niece that is only five years younger then my oldest son and five years older then my middle son, and I was very close with her since she was little, but just in the past six months, she and her mother quit talking to me. I've reached out to them and have received NO response! My feelings are hurt and as much as I know it's more about them then me, I find myself filled with lost and sadness, that for whatever reason they no longer choose to communicate. So having said it out loud, maybe my heart will start to find some peace with questions that I may never have answers too and with what feels like such a great loss.

"I miss you ~ my dearest Kristin"

my heart will always hold that place where you fit

Pumpkins...

The other day I went to Trader Joe's and they had this sign outside and I couldn't resist taking a picture. The sign pretty much sums up the fall season for me... Pumpkin everything!! I love pumpkins, the color, the taste, the happy memories they remind me of and most of all - their a sign it's fall.

I might even attempt to make these - http://onceamonthmeals.com/gluten-free-dairy-free-pumpkin-cinnamon-rolls/

Moments...

My week's "Present Moments"

The yellow is so vibrant and I loved the way they were swaying

The morning dew

I love moss

Moss of a different variety

A itty bitty frog nesting on part of a fence latch