New years eve...

New years eve carries only a present moment on which to decide to love, decide to find joy and to embrace the present moment even more then I had the last one. It's about remembering when I am fearful, or worried that I are loved and whole and All Is Well. Its about loving myself a little more each day and finding within that, life's human experience. To welcome each other and allow without resistance what they have to offer. To clear my vision and see that no miracle is to big or to small, and when I am in the present moment and know only LOVE, life leaves me in awe of its wonder.

Thank you to all who have chosen this life with me and to all those yet unknown. I am learning to enjoy just "being" me.

Think Love...

You are what you think you are...

THINK LOVE

Crumbs...

I have realized over the years that my "love life" has been about crumbs. Little morsels of anothers love. They were not able to love themselves and so was not able to offer more. Because I too was not giving love to myself I thought "a crumb" was sufficient. Life is changing and my vision is clearer. Crumbs are no longer enough, a morsel is no longer acceptable and I love myself enough to expect more. In each present moment there lays a seed of anticipation waiting to bloom and step out into all its beauty. To welcome a full love, a whole love, a real love...

I am ready!

Forgiveness...

There are many definitions of forgiveness and one of them I like a lot is:

"The true meaning of forgiveness is in allowing someone the space to find their way"

Having played the role of care taker to many people in my life it is hard for me to step back and let someone find their own way. Even though I don't try to control them or push my opinion on them but I do feel sometimes like if I don't keep letting them know I'm always there no matter what, that it means I don't care. It has been challenging for me to keep moving on with my life and not want to take the others with me. For them to see what I see in them and to pick themselves up and move on too. I know in my head that I can not do that for another. I can not give them self love and self worth but my heart thinks differently. And then there is a fine line between keeping the unconditional love for them alive but still moving on and giving them space. And who am I to think I am so powerful and have all the answers for someone else. I forget the most loving thing I can do for someone is to let them go and to find the path that is right for them, just as others have done for me.

A new year...

For the past few years I have been slowly moving people as well as things in and out of my life. My two car garage has been a holding space for a lot of "stuff" over the years and has never been used to house a car. As this new year rolls around I am looking forward to dumping some things, selling others, giving away and opening lots of space for continued good things and people to come flooding in. And maybe even put my car in the garage for the first time in almost 20 years. There is joy to be found in reorganizing and replacing, a new welcoming of more peace and less chaos. I want to embrace the process and see it as a new chapter that I can write in my book of life.

All is Well...

A white Christmas...

We were beginning to wonder if the snow would come our way on Christmas day and by evening we were covered in snow. Yes indeed - we had a white Christmas. Doesn't come around to often and it is beautiful and not too much to keep us stuck inside for days but just enough to add the perfect ending to an already nice Christmas. It was like sprinkling confectionery sugar on top of a warm and delicious dessert. Picture perfect!

Santa said as he drove out of sight...

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night...

Christmas Eve...

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house not a creature was stirring not even a mouse...

Happy...

Thought I would borrow (again) another idea from my beautiful niece. On her blog today she just had the word happy and a list of what made her happy. I like the word "happy". It seems to say so much with only five letters. Here is my list of what makes me happy today...

quiet

my three children

family and friends

christmas lights

my car

money

our computer

good food to eat

four cats who are loved

my bathrobe to keep me warm

the sunshine

a comfy bed

hot tea

GF cookies

TV

a good book

a warm bath...

...

ENJOY THE PRESENT MOMENT...

Allowing...

When giving up resistance and letting go, I am left in the state of allowing. Allowing only good thoughts to roam free in my head, allowing only positive thoughts about others to surface. Allowing, opens up space for all good things to flow when I step aside and stop thinking it's all about me. Then comes expectance. Expecting the miracles that only the universe can pull off. Expecting love and joy and peace on earth. Then acceptance, that I am all I need to be. I am whole and beautiful, as we all are. I don't need to impress or try harder. I just need to be me, and KNOW that is enough.

So here I am world... JUST ME

Resistance

I'm feeling resistance to "what is" today. Not sure what "that is" only that maybe I "should" be making it different or that I "should" know what I am suppose to do. Just feeling unsettled and that makes me feel like I "should' make something happen, even if I don't know what that is. So I do know to take a deep breath in and a deep breath out then LET GO. Letting go of there having to be a solution that is up to me. Just put one foot in front of the other, one breath after the other and relax and know all is well even if I don't know what's next. Release all resistance...............

Holding on...

Holding on to what I know to be my truth, at this present moment is hard. I am allowing another words to cause me to find fault with myself and to doubt what I know to be true. I know the other person is lashing out and I am struggling to offer only love to myself as well as them. To not give the words any more value then what they deserve, which is nothing because I know they are only out of anothers pain. I love the song by the music group Train, called "Words", maybe I will try and live by them today and know this too shall pass...

Here is just a few of the lyrics from the song:

Words they'll try to shake you

Don't let them break you

Or stop your world from turning

When words keep you from feeling good

Use them as firewood and let them burn

Let them burn

Let them burn

Underneath every word somebody's heart been broken

pondering...

Are you more fascinated by what you can see or by what you cannot see?

I noticed the other day at the gingerbread library program that when the children came in to decorate, some of them needed to find the right one, the perfect looking one. Got me pondering on how much do I base my views and what I pick by only what my eyes can see. The old saying "don't judge a book by its cover" sounds easy but as a human a lot of times that is not my first instinct. And then there are times when you do need to base your decision on what you see. Like someone's behavior or something that looks dangerous. I guess it comes down to using your judgement in each situation and when we are fully present we will know which option is right at the time. Just good food for thought...

A slow pace...

I have discovered in the last few months that I am a slow person. I think slow, I read slow, I make decisions slow, I walk slow, but one thing I don't do slow is eat. Over the years with young children and living a life for others eating was just something I could do fast and keep going. I am trying to to more mindful of what and how I'm eating. I still find myself eating on the run, even in my own home. Chewing to fast and then wondering when the food is all gone what it was I just ate. I love to cook and I enjoy the process of preparing the food but sitting down and focusing on the end result is harder. But with a little practise and patience I can learn to once again savor the food that is prepared and placed before me, whether that is made by me or someone else.

A Quote...

Deep roots are not reached by the frost...

Time...

Today is a day to take a deep breath... and know all is well.

I am feeling a time crunch of projects old and new. Feeling like I can't fit it all in, feeling like there are not enough hours in a day to get everything done. Looking around and seeing what is left undone because of things that must be done. But looking at it in frustration don't change it. It still will be there today and when I wake tomorrow, so I have a chose, I can think OMG or I can take a breath and know all will get done and I will have time for what I need and want to do. And what doesn't that is okay too.

Breathing in, breathing out, breathing in, breathing out, breathing in, breathing out

Grateful...

Today as I was running the water to make breakfast I had an overwhelming feeling of gratitude to be able to have water just flow out of the pipes anytime I turn the handle on. To have heat on these very cold and windy days. A refrigerator full of comfort food, healthy food as well as the very unhealthy . To have a warm and comfortable bed to sleep in with soft pillows on which to rest my head and fluffy blankets providing warmth for my body. A house that gives my children and I a place to call "HOME". It is filled to the brim with laughter, love and memories. My list is endless of things to be grateful for. These are only a few but in this present moment they are BIG.

"I AM GRATEFUL"

Blank...

Today my mind is blank. I can't think of what to write so I like to borrow other peoples words when mine are not present...

Happiness is not taught it is recognized...

and

Remember to feed your FUN!

Mindless...

Today is a day to just be lazy. I have finished all my obligations for a few days and the weather is perfect for doing a whole lot of nothing. So, so far I made myself some yummy pumpkin pancakes with pecan and just sat in front of the computer playing mindless games - FUN!!! Our beautifully decorated christmas tree is shining so brightly, the sweet children and cats are asleep and all is quiet. I really enjoy playing the silly, simple games on Facebook or on the computer. They don't take any brain power or ask anything of me except to enjoy, and if I don't I just make them go away. They just put a smile on my face and that is a good thing.

Just a thought...

The better I feel about myself the less I need you to be different.

Alan H. Cohen

Friends old and new...

Facebook is bringing back friends from my past. It is SO awesome! I love being connected to ALL my friends old and new. I enjoy everyday commenting and interacting with everyone, which without Facebook doing that would not be possible. My life is richer and made happier from such a small thing.

I am grateful!!!!!!!!!

It's beginning to look a lot like christmas...

Our Christmas tree is here!

We didn't get our tree at the place we have been going to for years but we were all happy being together and happy with our choice. It is up in the stand and ready to be fully decorated. So let the hot chocolate and Christmas carols woe us into a festive time. String the lights (hoping most work this year), draping the garland, and opening the box full of family favorite ornaments and covering the tree with memories. Then every evening as the sun goes down and darkness is welcome the twinkling of the lights brightens our spirit and put a smile on our face. They mesmerize you, staring at them for what seems like hours. You mind drifting to Christmas past and hopeful future.

A GOOD time had by all!

Friends = FUN

I don't realize until I get together with my wonderful group of friends that my "battery" was low. My personal battery that gets recharged by fun, laughter, love, and friendship. When we all get together I ALWAYS leave "fully charged" and better able to handle life as it comes to me. I leave feeling so grateful and find myself smiling all the way home. Even something as small as going to the grocery store together after a long fun day is so cool. Each friend is a treasure and shines in their own special way. I have written about them many times but it never stops amazing me how much they all give me and do for me. Thank you all SOOOOOO much for JUST being YOU!!!

Surprise...

It's a new day

A day full of surprises and expectation for all good things. Most days I have a "to do" list and activities I'm involved in, but in each moment there is also the element of surprise. I can make a list, plan events, schedule appointments, and day dream but there is a part of life that is unknown and unexpected. I can choose to see it as exciting or frightening. Most of my life I chose frightened. Afraid if I didn't know or try to control what was going on, my world might fall apart (it never did but I wasn't sure that it wouldn't). I would search for answers to "why" so it would all make sense. I was always resisting life, swimming up stream and making everything harder then it had to be. I am beginning to like the "go with the flow" feeling. It is less work and leaves me lighter and filled with anticipation. When I don't have everything planned and accounted for I can leave the fine details up to the Universe to plan things out for me, things that I might never in a million years have dreamed for myself. Why set limits on what is available?

extra care...

My mind has gone to all the wrong places today. Thinking all the wrong thoughts. So that means I need to take extra good care of myself and not take anything personal that others think, say or do. I need to be gentle with myself and know "this too shall pass" and know I am loved and all is well. To put my focus on all that is good even if I have to make a list to help me see what is right in front of me. Nothing has changed from last night to today only my attitude, and that I have control over. So I can pick comforting foods to eat and something warm to drink. Decide what makes me happy today and do that. Say kind words to myself as I would if someone I knew and loved was feeling out of sorts.

Love you Nancy... you are loved by many, don't forget, it's okay to "be" whatever place that is, and ALL IS WELL!

Love me : )

Gingerbread...

It's that time of year again!

Ten plus years ago I took a "decorate a Gingerbread house" class from a store called The Farmers Wife. I was there for over three hours decorating (along with everyone else) and just fell in LOVE. It brought me joy and made me happy and there, an idea was born - why not make other people happy too. So I started making gingerbread houses, cookies and an assortment of other items that could be made with gingerbread (the ideas were endless) and selling them. I did birthday parties, holiday parties, gift baskets etc. I advertised at Christmas in Davidson by providing free gingerbread cookies for anyone to decorate and displayed my house's. Over the years the business grew by word of mouth and became too big to do out of my home. I needed to make a decision, open a store, rent space in a commercial kitchen to be able to expand or to stop altogether. I decided to stop, only I have never really stopped. I thought I was done with it but it was not done with me. People pop up every Christmas season and want gingerbread. So this year I have decided to take the challenge and perceive it in a new and different way. To see it as a art that leaves lasting memories. As a way to give back and put a smile on a lot of faces. To enjoy the process until it decides "it's" done with me.

Long - GOOD - day...

AND TO ALL A GOODNIGHT...

Being Human...

Most of this year I have been trying to honor the things that I feel are beneficial to my well being. Like exercise, eating healthy, being creative, getting enough sleep, meditating, loving and accepting myself in the "present moment". I feel if I put these things as a priority in my life then all other will fall into place. And when I "show - don't tell" my children what's important to me, I hope they too will learn that it's okay to follow what feels right for them.

I have not accomplished and kept up with my list as I would have liked but I have to remind myself it is not about the destination but the journey. It's about progress not perfection. I have been "stuck" many times because of perfection. But I've grown to be more gentle with myself and with that comes permission to be human. To fail, to try, to win. And when I allow myself to be human I find I allow others to be as well. It lightens the load and frees me to be more open and compassionate with myself and those around me.

I also strive to be a human "being", rather then a human "doing". That lesson is a little more challenging because in the past I was a "doer" and I did for everyone but me. So it has been a nice adventure this past year to whittle away at life and enjoy each step of the way with no idea what the end result will look like.

Inspired...

When my niece went off to college she decided to write on her blog everyday for a month and I thought if she can show up for herself, well I can too. I have been trying to find ways to "put myself out there" in the world, a little at a time, to learn to "show up" for myself and I thought this would be a good way to start. It is so neat to look around at the people in your life and watch and learn from them. Everyone has something to give, to be inspired by. Sometimes it maybe that what they are doing inspires me to decide that is not what I want in my life and I can be thankful that they were there to help me see what it is I don't want as well as the people who show me the kind of things I do want. We are all unique and the same. We look at life through different filters and lenses and pass in and out of each others lives when needed. I am grateful I can choose what I want for my life and what I don't. And when I forget there is always someone who comes along and reminds me... THANK YOU ALL... for just being you!

In a moment...

It's the first day of the rest of my life....