Rough...

The last couple of days have been rough, so tonight I'm just going to love myself, forgive myself, and be kind to myself. Night Night all...

Hold on...

There are times as a mother I've told my children "everything will be okay", "your going to do great", "you can do this" and I truly believed that for them. There are times in life, I have to believe that someone else believes for me, when I can't. So today my dear friend told me "everything will be okay" and I am holding on to her belief, when in my darkness I cannot see that clearly.

Doubt...

I'm having one of those day's where someone said some sideways remarks yesterday to me and today I woke up doubting everything I believe. I'm learning quicker and quicker not to resist and allow the uncomfortable place to be there. Then I hang on to the saying " This to shall pass" and it does leave me much faster when I can let it flow through instead of damning it up.

Miraculously...

"Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it. Make it your friend and ally, not your enemy. This will miraculously transform your whole life."

Eckhart Tolle

This is what I work on daily. I struggle with accepting the present moment and not working against it. So many times I think whatever decision I make or don't make, makes or breaks each present moment. I'm trying to make it my friend and not the enemy. And believe there are larger forces beyond me that can transform my life if I'm open to allowing.

Roof...

My oldest son comes over a couple times a month and it always makes me smile when all my children are under one roof,  sharing conversation, laughter, food and love. There's nothing better!!!

Remind...

"My idea of a superbowl is a toilet that cleans itself."

"When nothing goes right... go left."

"I named my dog "5 Miles" so I can tell people I walk 5 miles everyday."

Just needed to remind myself not to take life to seriously!

Pain...

It's hard to sit back and allow someone to work out their pain the way that works for them. And when it's your child, all my motherly instincts wants to "do" something, anything to stop the process of anger, hurt and then find the strength to wait quietly for the sun to shine on acceptance. There are no band-aids that  heal the heart, and all I have to offer is my love, courage and strength, enough to muster up for all of us.

Tested...

Trust is tested when what you had hoped and thought would happen is shattered. Now I must hold on to what I believe, which is "all is well and I am safe" and continue to trust that my path in this unknown will be just the right place for my children and I. There is comfort in knowing, I'm not doing this process alone. I had felt alone so many times in my life but life continues to show me over and over again... NO ~ you do not walk this path alone ~ so Trust in the process Nancy and you will be more then okay!

Dare...

"Resist the temptation to allow the past to shape or foreshadow the potential of the present. Dare to not know. Dare to show up."

" You have never been in this moment before. It's a wild arrogance to assume a static world. And when you enter this moment with excitement and love, you change the possibility of every possibility."

Tama Kieves

I am in a place in my life, in moments that I've never been before. I'm trying hard to not allow the past to shape my present moments. My dear friends are walking me through this unknown and helping me enter it with excitement and love. But it's up to me, to DARE to not know, to DARE to show up.

Courage...

"Happiness is a form of a courage."

George Holbroek Jackson

Courage is a decision made daily.

Life...

"Life is too short to miss out on being really happy."

Couldn't agree more!

Gingerbread...

For many many years I baked gingerbread for the holidays and for those years my kids knew the house would smell like gingerbread for months. But this year is the first time I didn't bake any for anyone! So as the holidays came and went my daughter started craving gingerbread. So tonight after dinner I finally made her and my son a small batch of cookies. Oh the memories...

Camera...

"Life is like a camera...

Focus on what's important. 

Capture the good times.

Develop from the negative, and if things don't work out,

take another shot."

When I was in my twenties, I went to a community college to get my associate degree in graphic arts ( not what I wanted, but that's another story, for another day), and I took photography as an elective and loved it. I even had high hopes of continuing on to finish my next two years in photography. But somewhere along the way I lost that and when I saw this quote it brought that feeling back. But it's something to thing about doing more of, as another creative outlet in my life. All my children have enjoyed taking pictures, and my oldest son use to build pin hole cameras and had a dark room in his home. 

Pajama's...

Today I've decided to have a pajama party for one! I had a very very busy couple of weeks and today I don't have to do anything for anyone or go anywhere, so I slept in late, and will just stay in my PJ's all day. I'm such a home body, so hanging out and puttering around my house is an awesome day for me.

Remember...

"Can you remember who you were, before the world told you who you should be?"

Today ~ I'm trying... to remember !

Your Best...

Always do your Best...

"Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstances, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgement, self-abuse and regret."

Don Miguel Ruiz - The Four Agreements

I will try to not take myself to seriously today. I wasn't feeling good yesterday and when I feel like that I tend to give my thoughts way to much focus and power. I start feeling sorry for myself and wishing, hoping things were not as they are, when normally if I feel that and am feeling good, it's easier to give myself a bit of extra loving care. Today I will not listen to the thoughts that are screaming so loudly and "be kind" to myself, and "do my best."

Slipping...

"It's not about "having" time. It's about making time."

So true for anything in life whether it's relationships, work, friends, or even penciling in time for ourselves. Time just has a way of slipping by, unless I "make" time for the things that are important!

Apology...

"Life becomes easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got."

As I continued to chip away at my self forgiveness, this quote reminded me of some people that have walked in and out of my life over the years. It seems to connect to forgiveness, for life is easier when you accept what is and move on regardless of what you think another person should have done or said. With self forgiveness, I am able to do just that... Pick up and move on with love in my heart ~

Credit Card...

I'm so grateful for my credit card. I feel funny even saying that because so many people in this country are in credit card debit. I was one of those, many moons ago in a relationship that was anything but healthy and money was abused and misused. I've always loved money and I cherish the ability to have  it in my life and I take good care using it. So when I got my own credit card after the relationship was over, it has come in handy for so many things. I always pay it off and I don't use it for things I know I'm not going to be able to pay off the next month. But I like it's presence in my life to use in an emergency whether it's a minor one or major ~ I'm thankful!

Organized...

The past four days have been like a marathon, and it got me to thinking... boy I'm glad I'm such an organized person. I don't even want to think about what they would have been like without some planning of meals, fitting things into a tight schedule, keeping on target to make everything run smooth. Whew... tired just thinking about all that fit into those few days.  So as handy as being organized can be, I also know it has kept me from being more spontaneous and free in the present moment. Something to work on in the new year.

Racing...

"If your always racing to the next moment, what happens to the one you're in?"

This is a good reminder when my days get so full and I'm not paying attention to the present moment, to slow down and ~ pause ~ breath ~ and be present, because when that moment is gone, it's gone for good. There can be so much wonder and beauty in that space, but when I'm racing to the next I miss it!

Breath...

"The Trick is to keep Breathing."

Somedays this is all I need to remember.

Busy...

Made me laugh : )

"Be happy for this moment, for this moment is your life."

I have a very busy day today, so I will work on being happy in all my present moments today because these moments are my life!

Art...

http://journal52.com/

A friend sparked my interest in doing some journaling again. Since I was a teen I've done writing journals but not much in the way of an "art journal." So as I was searching around the other day and I came across a lady who is offering the idea to do a journal page a week for the entire year. I like that idea better then a prompt once a day. It gives me time to think because I don't like the pressure of doing it in that one day. Now there is something to be said for only having one day to not think to hard and do something in that present moment, but for now I decided to go with a slower pace because it felt more enjoyable to me right now.

Myself...

Forgiveness for me has not been a one time thing, especially when it's about me. Recently a recurring  situation came up and with that, it drew my attention to feelings I realize I've not fully forgiven myself for. So with awareness comes growth, and I once again have to be kind and forgive myself. One day something will bring it back to my attention and I will know the process of forgiveness for that issue will be done.

Lesson...

"Don't take it personal"

This is a statement someone use to say to me all the time. And it's a lesson I'm still continuing to learn, though I must say it comes a bit quicker then it use too. Sometimes it's hard to remember when someone does or says something, it's more about them then it is about you. But in that present moment when the feeling stings, it can be hard to NOT take it personal. As with any lesson, it's about progress not perfection.

Teacher...

"When you really pay attention, everything is your teacher."

This reminds me that when a situation presents itself ~ pause... because I'm in charge of what meaning I give it. I can use it to make myself bitter and a victim or I can allow the teacher to teach me. But I need to be present and paying attention.

Inspiring...

" Your life is your message to the world. Make sure it is inspiring."

Lauren Conrad

I hope that the life I live will inspire those who see it, and long after I'm gone people will remember the courage, the strength and the love that I work on in my daily life. I'm just trying to be "me", with all its mishaps and triumphs, and let that be good enough.

A Gift of time...

A dear friend and I had lunch today, and we chatted the afternoon away. When I left my heart felt so full. She didn't want to give me anything, do anything for me, want something from me, she just was there in those present moments offering her friendship and her "gift of time". Time can seem so scares but when someone offers such a gift it's hard not to feel cherished, valued and loved! Thank you dear friend for all those shared present moments today... it will hold a special place in my heart ~ right where you already are.

Re-Imagined...

Life ReImagined...

This is something I am trying to do in many areas of my life, from work to where I'll live to all the new and different people and places that will enter my life. Right now my life is filled with unknown but I'm trying to re-imagine it in a more and beautiful way. "They" say we are in charge of our destiny so what better way then to "reimagine" it and ask for something better!

Teenagers...

I've had a few teenagers in my life the last couple of years ( not my own) and they all seem to crave an adult who is present and available. I don't know the full story of each child, but I do know what I see. I think sometimes as a society we think just because are kids are teens that they don't need us as much, and while this is true in one sense, I believe in a different way they need us just as much as ever! I'm SO grateful that I have been able to be available and present to my children and though that can't solve all their problems, I do know it makes a difference.